#1 High Heels - Yes, I own plenty (I have a shoe 'thing') so I'm not a flattie-lover (unless I'm taking Miss 2 somewhere, then it's flattie time...or maybe joggers - those toddlers can get up a fair bit of speed). But when the heels start to achieve torturous angles in the name of fashion and making your legs look longer and slimmer, you run the risk of shorter and fatter results instead from a plaster cast when you break an ankle. Plus, there's that dorky walk 'cause you can't bend your knees properly... Unless you like playing prancing pony. (There are onesies and groups for that, people!)
#2 Spanx (or equivalent) - Suck it in, tuck it up, slim it down, squeeze it round, raw-hide! Hot weather and these things don't work. Trust me. And have you ever tried wearing them with a loose floaty skirt in windy weather? Everyone knows how far your spanx goes. Yes, the benefits are rather nice, all I'm asking is - why don't men wear them? Especially those guys whose hairy, rounded tummies hang over their pants? What's wrong with a little sucking it in for the boys too? And I'd rather see flesh-coloured spandex than a hairy bum-crack any day!
#3 Cosmetics - Eyeshadow: For the love of all that's holy, who has the time to 'contour, contrast and blend'? Lipstick: Poochy kiss faces so you don't transfer your shade to your friend's cheek, reapplying every five minutes (the stay on ones make my lips peel), red chin roll-under (for those with full bottom lips who happen to eat an apple so the lipstick-y lip is pushed onto the chin. And finally, Mascara: ever accidentally poked yourself in the eye with a mascara wand? Just sayin'.
Now I use all these things, but on days when I can sit at home in the fluffily slippers, no make-up, with wobbly bits ahoy, it does rather cause the other times to look a wee bit like torture...
* This post is tongue-in-cheek with regards to the guys. Sadly, there is increasing pressure on young men to 'look' a certain way, in the same way women (young and older) have been pressured about their appearance for too long. Being healthy is different from making your life a misery because of some unreachable ideal. There. Rant over. I'm off to my fluffily slippers and a chocolate brownie.