Chapter 17 - Major Romance Dangers - Identified
In previous chapters, Ben Dover PhD. Dip. Cert. ABC, has mentioned minor romantic hazards, but here he has isolated the main dangers in a romantic seduction as follows:
1. Roses - If the 'experts' are to be believed, floribunda is the plant of love. But what of bees? Should one have an allergy to these little insectoid flower lovers, then one is risking death in the pursuit of love!
2. Chocolate - Not only must one brave the perils of a shop full of females and chocolate to obtain these love inducers, but one must also pick from amongst the endless varieties a selection appealing to the object of one's affections. How for the love of science is one to know which type to pick? I purport that this ritual could well be an undiscovered cause of brain aneurisms in males.
3. Moonlit Nights - What could be the harm in a little stroll in the moonlight? Whilst I do concur the moon does put forth a considerable amount of reflected light, it still does not allow for walking under trees, through tunnels or down an alleyway and the perils that may lurk therein. It also doesn't answer the question: Why would one want to risk falling down a well when there are perfectly good torches available for night-time pursuits?
4. Candles - The romantic nature of these light sources has long been touted, but as with all unprotected flames, they carry the risk of setting alight the unwary. I, myself had the dreadful misfortune of having my whole moustache, in its entirety, completely burnt off! Here, below, is my story.
...I was leaning across a moonlit table, trying to gain my love's attention as she sampled the chocolate delicacies I had presented her with, when I came into contact with a taper candle set cunningly in the middle of an arrangement of roses in the centre of the table. Within moments my pride and joy was well alight and if it hadn't been for the swift actions of a passing waiter dousing me in water from a pitcher, I may well have lost my eyebrows too! I fail to believe the rather large amount of wine I had consumed or the extensive use of product in my facial hair had anything to do with this accident, despite the police report.
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